Faith for the Journey

MOVED

2011-05-28T22:00:00.001-05:00

I decided not to renew this domain name, but I also felt that I needed to start over. You can now find me here: Faithfully Home. Hope to see you!

And so we wait...

2011-03-12T13:56:00.004-06:00

"Then I heard the voice of the LORD saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'" ~ Isaiah 6:8

We're at a place in life that I like to call "limbo." I am not a patient person, so this is a difficult place for me to be. We thought we had a plan, but it didn't turn out as we had hoped. So now, we wait.

We wait on graduation.

We wait on summer.

Above all we wait on God.

God is shaping us as we wait. He is teaching us patience, teaching us to trust. He is teaching us to see a bigger picture.

We had a dream of serving Him overseas. That dream did not play out the way we would have planned, but I am reminded that His plans are always better than our own. Our primary goal above all else is to serve....where we are, as we are. Contentment is a hard thing to come by, but even if we never do anything "big" (by human standards), we will learn to be content.

So we wait. While learning to be content right where we are, we wait.

We wait for an open door.

We wait for God to move. To move us...and we will go wherever He leads.

Our Little Gracie Girl

2011-01-29T12:29:00.002-06:00

Our beautiful little Grace Evangeline entered the world at 12:57 am on January 26th.

7lb 2 oz, 19.5 in

Gifts and Ponderings

2010-12-23T14:28:00.005-06:00

Lulls in blogging that go on for multiple months seem to be my new thing.

I don't really have anything to say, but I feel like God is stirring words in my heart.

They may not be written for a long time (or ever), but He's working on something in me. If I blog and share again, I don't want it to be about me. I don't want to try to sound like someone else or worry that my space on the internet is not the prettiest or most technologically savvy. I just want to say what He has put on my heart to say and have it be all about Him and His glory.

That's where I am right now.

Today I am celebrating the second birthday of my sweet, bright, ball of energy little boy. It is his birthday, but I feel like I am the one who has truly received a beautiful gift by being given the privilege of being his mama.

Merry Christmas, friends. May we all remember the true gift we have been given. It does not come wrapped in shiny paper and bows but rather in swaddling clothes. It is not given by a man in a red suit but rather by an almighty loving God.

Making Your Home a Haven

2010-10-04T15:39:00.002-05:00

Even though we are not active homeschoolers (yet ;), I occasionally receive homeschooling publications in the mail. I was browsing through one yesterday and came across an article about finding balance and what it really means to be like the woman in Proverbs 31. The author (Joanne Calderwood - http://www.urthemom.com/) pointed out that although it seemed like the P31 woman was more like Martha in the sense that she was very busy, she was only able to accomplish what she did because like Mary she chose the better things first. I felt like Mrs. Calderwood was speaking directly to me in this passage:

"...by constantly praying when feelings of stress and strain come over me, I am freed from their grip. When I spend that close fellowship time with the Lord at the beginning of the day, my heart is in tune and is worshipful and reverent. What a beautiful way to start a day. But it doesn't end there, at the "amen" before getting the children up for breakfast. As we go through the day, the Holy Spirit will inspire us to do what He calls us to do. He will grant us the wisdom and resources we need to homeschool, to be a wife, and to be a mother. Contrast that with just jumping out of bed in the morning, grabbing a cup of coffee, waking the children, and getting started on the day - without any quiet time or instruction from the Lord. I've done the latter, and it doesn't bear good fruit. I am quickly absorbed with my kingdom, and I am either overwhelmed by busyness or I accomplish little because I am so overwhelmed that I go in circles because I don't know where to start." - 'A Guide to Getting it in Gear' from Homeschool Enrichment Jul/Aug 2010

Going in circles because I don't know where to start accurately describes my day to day life. How much different would my life look if I made an effort to spend time with the Lord at the beginning of every day? Even if I am getting things done, it doesn't matter how Martha I am around the house if I cannot first be like Mary.

God, of course, didn't stop this lesson with this article. I stumbled across THIS post on Women Living Well about making our homes a haven. When I read about what kind of woman it takes to make her home a haven, I was saddened by the realization that I am more like the woman described in Home #1 in the article. I am often distant, distracted, crabby and discontent. Worst of all, I do not pray enough. It's interesting to think that the first four things mentioned would be significantly remedied if I would just do the last thing. So, I am taking part in Courtney's challenge to make my home a haven for my family and all who enter it. That is my calling, and I want to see to it well while always remembering that I cannot possibly accomplish any of it on my own.

The Dishes Can Wait

2010-05-07T14:43:00.005-05:00

Lately Eli has been especially clingy and in need of my attention. I have found myself getting frustrated with his constant need to be near me as I think about all of the things that need to be done around the house. I'm embarrassingly behind on so many projects, and I can't seem to find the time to get them done. I feel like there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything. If he didn't need me so much, maybe I'd get more done.

But then I look into the big hazel eyes of that sweet boy and realize that I don't want to miss a single second. I always thought that people were exaggerating when they said that kids grow up too fast. Surely that wasn't true. I see the truth in that statement now. The past 16 months have gone by faster than I ever imagined. My tiny baby boy is a busy, smart, inquisitive toddler. He loves testing his independence, but he still needs his mama very much.

I may never catch up around the house. The overgrown flower bed in the front yard may never be tilled and replanted. As much as part of me wants to do those things, a much larger part of me realizes that my baby may not always want me to cuddle with him and play games and read stories. He'll grow up and won't need me (or at least he'll think he won't - we've all learned that lesson, haven't we?). I want to cherish these moments. So what if the dishes sit in the sink a little longer? Throwing a ball, reading a story, or just giving a hug are far more important. It is also moments like this when I say an extra prayer for babies who want nothing more than to have a mama to hold them and for mommies who are waiting on Heaven to hold their precious babies.

Now I hear a sweet voice chattering away in his room, just waking up from a nap. It's time to play!

The Great Outdoors

2010-04-23T13:09:00.003-05:00

If you live in the Midwest, you know that we have some GORGEOUS weather lately. As a result, the adorable little boy and I have been spending a lot of time outdoors. He's not crazy about walking in the grass, but he loves to stroll up and down our gravel driveway. He adores being outside, which makes this mama happy. I hope to spending even more time outside as we take care of the garden we planted last weekend! I'm looking forward to showing Eli how things grow and harvesting our own fresh produce. This is my first real adventure in gardening, so I am just praying that things actually grow!

Calling All Homeschoolers!

2010-03-20T11:40:00.003-05:00

Shortly before Eli was born I began to contemplate homeschooling in the future. In those days I blogged on Xanga and asked for opinions from home school students and parents. Now I am asking you! I go back and forth on this issue a lot, so I would love to hear from people who have "been there, done that."

What are some of the pros and cons of homeschooling, in your opinion? What influenced your decision to educate your children at home? What methods and materials do you use? How do you make sure that your children get proper socialization outside of the home? If you were homeschooled, what did you like about it? What did you dislike?

Thank you in advance for your input!

Blessings and Provisions

2010-03-05T21:25:00.005-06:00

Wow.

That describes how I have felt over the past couple of weeks as I have seen God provide for us in so many different ways. He knows our needs and the desires of our hearts, and He cares about us so much that He provides at the times when they will have the greatest impact.

Forgive me for the lengthiness of this post, but some background is required to understand the way these things touched my heart. I plan to do some more well thought out writing in the near future, but I had just had to share these praises with you!

First of all, our financial situation has been tight for the past couple of months. In anticipation of losing our military insurance due my husband getting out of the National Guard, we signed up for insurance through his employer. Can I just say that switching to regular insurance after having military coverage for several years is a little rough? The monthly price tag and the deductible make me a little ill. I won't go into a discussion about insurance though *wink*. In February, we received our final paycheck for Rob's Guard drills. So, we lost income and gained expense. We had begun to prepare for this months ago by cutting out budget before we truly needed to do so, but it was still a hard pill to swallow and things have been tight. I am an awful worrier, and I began to stress out about the situation. I even started looked at the classifieds because I was convinced that I would need to get a job. Thank God that He has better plans than I! On Wednesday I received two checks in the mail for reimbursements from things that happened months ago. That same day we learned that Rob qualified for the highest level of bonus and pay raise. The former took some weight off of my shoulders for expenses this month. The latter reminded me that being able to leave my job a year ago in order to stay home with my son was no accident.

In relation to the insurance switch and our son, we were also able to find Eli a new doctor who seems to share many our ideas and philosophies. That was a huge relief because the process of finding a new pediatrician was getting depressing and stressful!

God has also answered a long time prayer of mine recently. Ever since I chose to stay home, I have struggled with loneliness. I was the first among my closest group of friends to have a baby. Being out of school and out of the working world, I found that friendships did not come as easily as they had before. I joined the local MOPS group in September, but I felt awkward and like I was struggling to fit in with the group. Then in just the past couple of months it was like something finally clicked. I began to feel really comfortable with the women at my table and found that I had a lot in common with many of them. I even stepped out of that new found comfort zone of my table and met other women in the group. Through various circumstances over the past couple of months I feel that God has opened doors for potential friendships and for that I am incredibly thankful.

Finally...and this one is weird...I feel that God is confirming my desire for a more natural, healthy lifestyle through His provision. I had basically given up on it when we cut our grocery budget. Recently I found out (via one of the women at my MOPS table!) about a new local source of grass fed beef. And get this- it's $2.00/lb!! I can rarely even find beef at the grocery store for that price! Amazingly healthy food that fits into my itty bitty grocery budget? You'd better believe it! It's super tasty meat too! Not only that, but I am also working with some others on setting up a drop for Azure Standard which would provide even more budget-friendly healthy food. This co-op has great deals on bulk grains, and shortly before I started gauging others for interest in it I was blessed with the opportunity to buy a grain mill from a sweet friend for an excellent price. Now I will be able to take my quest for health even further by grinding (and sprouting? maybe?) my own grains!

I am just so thankful. The financial provision, friends and food themselves don't even matter as much as the knowledge that God does indeed love us and has our best interests at heart. Even if all of those things disappear tomorrow, I will hang on to the hope and grace He has given me so abundantly.

Oh, how He loves us...

Just a Boring Update!

2010-02-22T17:03:00.005-06:00

Thanks to everyone who left encouraging comments on my last post! I really appreciate your supportive words and the reassurance that I am not the only one who feels that way.

I am still kind of feeling that way. I know I feel better when I am productive, but sometimes it's so hard to break out of the rut and DO something. It's a vicious cycle. It doesn't help that I am exhausted. I need to get a decent night's sleep.

I did have a really nice weekend. I attend a ladies' retreat with my church. Doing something like that is totally out of my comfort zone, and I roomed with people I didn't really know prior to the retreat. It was a great experience! Friday night I did Zumba for an hour! I am going to look into going to a class in town because it was a blast! The girls in my room stayed up late talking (and eating junk food!), and we were up bright and early Saturday morning for breakfast and workshops. I attended some very informative workshops on raising godly kids and marriage. I also picked up some info on organizing, and I need all the help I can get in that area. By far the workshop that had the greatest impact on me was on treating anxiety and depression naturally. I am definitely planning to incorporate some of the things I learned into my life and do more research on this subject. I'll post more on that later.

Since this weekend was all about stepping out of my comfort zone, I was convinced to do the zip line at the camp where the retreat was held.

Um, yeah, I jumped off of this.

Have I mentioned that I am afraid of heights? It was terrifying at the top, but actually going down the zip line was awesome! I'm not so sure that I will ever do that again though!

I know this post was boring. I wish I had the energy to write something more interesting. Thanks for reading it anyway :)

It's My Blog, and I'll Vent if I Want To!

2010-02-10T15:49:00.005-06:00

I've had some form of a blog for almost ten years. I've had an Open Diary, a LiveJournal, and a few Xangas. Even this blog has had a few other forms. The major difference between this blog and my blogs of old is that I am not as open with my every day life here. Maybe it's the .com? Is there something about owning my own domain name that makes me think that I can't be honest about my daily life? Should it deter me from posting about the mundane or sharing some not so organized thoughts once in while?

I think not.

So here we go. This week stinks. I'm tired, bummed out, unmotivated and unproductive. I've eaten a lot of cookies. My child doesn't seem to want to sleep (up for three hours in the middle of the night here, refusal to nap there). I'm frustrated because our life is currently in a state of limbo. I want to make decisions and plans, but I can't right now. The ground is wet and my dog keeps tracking mud into my house.

I want to sleep until Sunday.

But I can't. I need to clip coupons and make a grocery list. There are dishes to wash and laundry to fold. The toilets need to cleaned and the floors need to be scrubbed. Events need to be planned and attended, so I need to put on a smile (and some mascara) and be social. Most of all, my Bible study has been neglected this week and family needs me.

Bring on the coffee....french press, please. With vanilla and hazelnut creamer. And Sun Crystals.

Then Sings My Soul Saturday - Forgiven by Sanctus Real

2010-02-06T21:48:00.004-06:00

Today I discovered Then Sings My Soul Saturday via Casey's blog, and I knew I had to participate! Music has been a huge part of my Christian walk. The first time I was convinced that I needed Jesus was almost seven years ago I was in a youth service singing "I Will Overcome" by Charlie Hall. I remember breaking down under the weight of my pain and believing that Jesus could truly make me whole. From that point on, God has spoken to my heart through the gift of music.

Most recently, I have been ministered to by the song "Forgiven" by Sanctus Real. The bridge has been especially encouraging in relation to my recent struggles with self worth.

"When I don't fit in
And I don't feel like I belong anywhere
When I don't measure up to much in this life
Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ..."

See more Then Sings My Soul entries at Signs, Miracles and Wonders.

Desiring God's Praise and Glorifying Him with Our Lives

2010-02-02T21:11:00.007-06:00

One year ago, I wrote a letter of resignation and quit my job so I could stay at home with my son. I had been on maternity leave for ten weeks and could not bear the thought of returning to work. We learned that I would be able to stay home just two weeks before I was supposed to start working again. The past thirteen months have been the most rewarding of my life, and I have never felt regret about deciding not to work. I realize how incredibly blessed I am to be able to be at home.

Lately, however, I have really struggled with the value of what I do. I have battled with the messages that this world feeds us about what equates worth. I have imagined that friends and family look down on me for the choices I have made. I have felt unimportant and unappreciated. Joy has eluded me as I let lies take root in my mind. I have questioned whether or not this will even matter to Eli when he is adult, if it matters at all.

The answer is yes, it does matter. More than I will ever know.

I recently joined a women's Bible study at church. We are going through the Gospel of John. I joined in the middle of the study, but I think the timing was divine. Last week we studied John 12. I read John 12:42-43 about leaders in the Jewish community who believed in Jesus but would not proclaim their belief because of the Pharisees. Verse 43, when read through the lens of my own life, hit me hard. It says, "...for they loved praise from men more than praise from God."

By whom do I desire to be praised?

My frustration is rooted in my own selfish desires to be praised by the world. I have let myself believe that if I am not being exalted by the standards of this world, then I am not doing anything of worth. That thinking is sadly deluded. As the wonderful women in my Bible study reminded me, the work we do as mothers is so much greater than the things of this world. Our work is eternal and it matters to God. His is the only praise we should desire.

As I have read and prayed further about this issue, I have come to realize something else. The only praise I should seek is that of God, but above that I should desire to bring Him glory through my life. I recently began the first non-fiction book from my book list, Don't Waste You Life by John Piper. I am only a few chapters into it, but I have already gleaned much wisdom from Piper's words. The following passages are some that I felt fit in perfectly with the passage from John that spoke to me so deeply:

"God created me - and you - to live with a single, all embracing, all transforming passion - namely a passion to glorify God by enjoying and displaying his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life." (p.31)

"God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of, but to make much of him in every part of our lives." (p.37)

My greatest desire should not be to be made much of (and certainly not be the world's standards) but to make much of my Creator in everything I do. My goal should be to glorify Him through my life. My joy is to be found in this single passion.

Mothers, if you find yourself feeling like what you do doesn't matter or that no one appreciates it, please take heart. Believe me when I say that it does matter. Better yet, don't worry about what I or any other person has to say, and believe God when He says how much it matters to Him. Work diligently and joyfully and passionately, desiring with your whole heart to glorify God in all that you do. The rewards are far more spectacular than anything the world could ever offer.

Learning the Art of Couponing

2010-01-26T16:13:00.003-06:00

I've never been much of a coupon clipper or deal hunter. Instead, I just stress over constantly going over my grocery budget. Well, that just isn't going to work for me anymore! Thanks to the abundance of money saving blogs out there and testimonials from personal friends, I can no longer deny that couponing WORKS. It might take a little more effort, but if it means that I could save as much as 70% on my grocery bill I will take it!

Here is my plan:

1. Clip, clip, clip! I'm going to clip and file coupons like a mad woman.
2. Every Wednesday I will check the ads for local grocery stores.
3. After I check the ads, I will compare my coupons AND head over to Frugal Fritzie to see the deals she finds. I am SO glad I discovered this blog via The Frugal Map. She covers both of the grocery stores where I plan to shop (trying to give up Wal-Mart as much as possible). If you haven't already, check out The Frugal Map to locate a deal finder in your area.
4. Shop with CASH. We're getting a little bit Dave Ramsey around here, folks. Again, we've seen it work too often to deny it anymore.

So why I am doing this? Because I have dreams for my family. Big dreams. I also have debt that is preventing those dreams from becoming a reality, and if reducing my grocery bill will free up funds to reduce that debt then I am on board.

Tomorrow is my first deal-seeking Wednesday and Friday marks the beginning of a brand new budget. Here I go...wish me luck!

A Young Mother's Daybook - January 13th, 2010

2010-01-13T14:35:00.006-06:00

I've seen these daybook posts on other blogs and have always enjoyed them. They are simple way to keep me in the blogging groove.

For Today - January 13th, 2010

Outside my window - Melting snow! Sunshine! The bitter cold winter wonderland of last week is saying goodbye (hopefully for a long time!)

I am thinking - of all the things I want to accomplish this year. I am planning a more detailed post on this subject, but among those things are creating a book list for the year, planning my first garden, and establishing a schedule and home organization system.

I am thankful for - the wisdom of my husband, who is able to talk me out of the pit I find myself falling into more often than I care to admit.

From the learning rooms - My sweet boy is actively exploring the world around him and figuring out how things work. It's fun to watch him mimic adults. This past year with him has been the start of an amazing journey.

From the kitchen - chocolaty brownie bites in the oven...mmm :)

I am wearing - jeans, fuzzy socks, pink tee and a gray sweater.

I am going - Nowhere today! (I think)

I am reading - I am about to start Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I think my goal for the year is going to be to read one fiction and one non fiction book a month.

I am hoping - Just hoping. Hope is something that I need to find rest and comfort in every day. Praise God for the hope we have in Jesus, no matter what is happening in our lives.

I am hearing - "Mighty is the Power of the Cross" by Chris Tomlin. I love Pandora!

Around the house - I'm trying to get it nice and clean for my in-laws' visit this weekend. I still need to vacuum and dust the living room today. I am also very proud to say that I made great progress in organizing our back room/my "office"/craft room/storage area this week (it's a room with many purposes!).

One of my favorite things - A clean kitchen!

A few plans for the rest of the week - Not much, which is nice sometimes. We have small group tomorrow night, then I will grocery shop on Friday, and Rob's parents will be here Friday evening.

A photo for today -
My little monkey figured out how to climb into our papasan.

You can find more daybooks at The Simple Woman's Daybook.

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

2010-01-08T09:49:00.003-06:00

Well hello!

Eli has decided that playing by himself in his room is better than playing with me, so I decided to take a few minutes and update.

First things first...it is COLD! I've lived in this little corner of Missouri for 5 years, and I don't remember it ever being this cold or having this much snow.

That cute little house across the street is for sale. Won't you be my neighbor?

A couple of days before Christmas we realized that the temperature in our house was dropping steadily. Thankfully it wasn't too cold then because it didn't get fixed until the next day. At first I was really upset about the situation, but then I was rejoicing because God showed His care and faithfulness yet again by providing the funds needed for the repair. I am praying for that care and provision once again, as we discovered this morning that a pipe had partially frozen over night. It is -1 outside right now, and we only have cold water. That's really only a minor inconvenience, and I am thankful that we have water at all and that the pipe didn't burst. It would just be nice if we didn't have to wait until it is above freezing on Monday to have everything in working order again.

I am planning to be back next week with a post about my goals for the new year, the first of which is "Stick to my goals for the new year." I am always so disappointed at the end of the year when I haven't accomplished the things I had hoped to in the previous months. I'm going to work on those goals this weekend, and I hope to share them early next week.

I hope you are staying warm!

Happy Birthday, Elijah!

2009-12-24T15:37:00.005-06:00

Elijah Robert was born at 10:47 am on December 23rd, 2008.

Yesterday was my sweet baby boy's first birthday. That tiny baby is now a social, active, joy-filled toddler. He loves his mommy and daddy and his dog. His smile is infectious and people can't help but smile back when they meet him.

One year ago my life was forever changed. For so long I had wondered what I was supposed to do with my life, if I had a purpose. When I looked into the eyes of that precious boy for the first time, I understood. If all I ever do is love on this boy and raise him to love the Lord, it will be more than enough.

Happy birthday, sweet little man. Mommy and daddy love you SO much!

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward." - Psalm 127:3

That's What Christmas is All About, Charlie Brown

2009-12-15T21:01:00.005-06:00

"Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?" - Charlie Brown

I've been a bit of a Scrooge this Christmas season. Between not being able afford very many presents and learning that once again we would not be able to see our families at all over the holidays I had decided that there wasn't any reason to be merry. The Christmas decor being put up before the Halloween pumpkins were thrown away and the wild and crazy Black Friday shoppers did nothing to improve my "Bah, humbug!" attitude. I could have easily gone through this holiday depressed and negative, completely losing sight of what Christmas is really all about.

Praise the Lord for children who show me how to keep the focus on the real meaning of this holiday.

How precious is Christmas through the eyes of a child? This sweet boy arrived two days before Christmas last year. I could not have asked for a better gift. I may lament not being able to spend Christmas with our families, but I remind myself that my little family is here and now is the time make new traditions. As much as it may bother me that I cannot shower Eli with presents wrapped in colorful paper with shiny bows, I remember that I have the opportunity to teach him about thankfulness for what he does have and that giving of ourselves to those in need and for the good of God's kingdom is a greater gift than any material possession.

I am so thankful for that boy with the blankie. I often feel that "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is one of the only Christmas movies or specials worth watching. How often do we feel like Charlie Brown? Tired of the commercialism that has consumed the holiday, he sets out to learn what Christmas is really all about. Just as Charlie Brown is feeling hopeless because of all the superficiality surrounding him, little Linus takes the stage to remind us all that Christmas is not about Santa, presents, and bright lights on a big green tree. As he recites the story of the Nativity, we are reminded that on Christmas day we celebrate the birth of our Savior and that all other things pale in comparison to that gift.

It is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of this time of year, but ultimately we must slow down and remember why we truly celebrate. Let's not be so overwhelmed with presents and parties that we forget to thank God for the precious gift of His Son. Alongside images of Santa and reindeer we see a babe lying in manger, a babe who was sent to be our Redeemer. May our focus on Christ never waiver.

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulders; and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace." - Isaiah 9:6

He's Always Been Faithful (and a prelude to the birthday post)

2009-12-08T16:09:00.009-06:00

Whoa. That's me (and Eli!) almost one year ago. I was 37 weeks pregnant and had just begun my maternity leave (I didn't know then that my leave would be permanent!).

What a difference a year makes.

Rob looks a little stalkerish...

In just over two weeks my little man will be one year old. This year has brought so many changes and so much joy to our family. When we decided that I would stay home to raise our son, we didn't really know how it would work or how long we would be able to manage it. God provided, and I have had the incredible privilege of spending every day with my son. Not too long ago we really thought I would have to go back to work. We decided to try to adjust our finances to see if I could still stay home, and God has been faithful as always. I have learned that God shows His love for us and His provision in many ways. He initially provided for us financially, but later He provided practical ways for us to be good stewards of what we already had. Without spiritual provision, we wouldn't even make it through the day. As we approach a time in our lives when it feels like things are up in the air and we could go in a dozen different directions, it is comforting to know that God is constant and He will always take care of us. Sometimes I worry too much and forget that He has always kept His promises and that He will never forsake us. It is good for me to remember the times when His care and provision were impossible to overlook and remind myself that He will always be there.

"All I have need of, His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me."

You Can't Do it Alone!

2009-11-24T21:11:00.000-06:00

Shamefully I admit that over the past few months I have not made having a regular quiet time a priority. Coincidentally (or not) I have not been able to get a handle on my day to day tasks, and I often end up feeling down most of the day because I don't have the energy to get anything done. I know that postpartum depression is a factor in all of that. I also know in my heart that neglecting my relationship with God is only fueling the PPD and letting it control my days. Worst of all, my lack of energy and depressed state keep me from really enjoying my time with my son and husband. I am confident that making time with God a daily priority would help me tremendously with controlling my PPD.

How do I know? Yesterday I was up a full two hours before Eli. I had time to make coffee, take a shower, and spend time with God! My day went SO MUCH BETTER! I felt energized and I was productive. I had fun playing with Eli and spending time with Rob. I'm tired of being robbed of those things and feeling like I am not cut out for the life God has given me as a mother, wife and homemaker.

Today I could barely get out of bed. I didn't have a quiet time and felt like I was just dragging through the day. My goal is to be up before Eli every day at least long enough to have time to read my Bible and pray/journal (working in a shower and some coffee before he gets up would be a nice bonus!). I'm also going to turn off the TV and get back to playing praise and worship music during the day so I can remember to keep my focus on God. Mamas, we cannot do this alone! I'm not a good wife or mother on my own. These are hard jobs, and we need God to help us do them well!

So, from now on I will be dragging myself out of bed well before my super cute 11 month old alarm clock goes off. Hopefully after a while there will be less dragging and more joyful jumping out of bed (And sunshine and birds singing. And my hair and makeup will look perfect too. Ok, let's all roll our eyes at that image). Eli needs me to be a good mommy to him, my hubby needs me to be a good wife, and I need a good relationship with my heavenly Father in order to do those things. Mamas, if you are struggling with these things I ask that you would join me in committing to spend time with God every day. He is our fuel (better than coffee!), our teacher, our comforter, and He knows exactly what we need. We can't do this without Him!

I need LOTS of energy to chase this cutie around all day long!

Life Update and a Yummy Seasonal Side Dish

2009-10-02T11:25:00.000-05:00

Hello!

I thought I should be a good blogger and update you on what is going on in our little corner of the world. For starters, the little man is now 9 months old! I cannot believe it has been that long, but at the same time it is hard to remember life before he was born. He'll be a year old in less than three months! Mama's not ready! Right now I am just enjoying watching him grow and learn new things. He is crawling everywhere and cruising around on the furniture. I think walking is still a little ways off, but you never know. He could surprise me one day and just take off. When I'm not chasing my little crawler all over the house, we have been enjoying the GORGEOUS weather by talking walks and playing on the swings at the park (that is when people aren't bringing bees to the park along with their Sonic Happy Hour slushes. Ew).

Yes, that's a tube of Butt Paste. Why do I even buy toys?

This past Sunday Eli and I took part in our church's "Great Day of Service." Over 2000 people from our church and the community came out to serve our city and share the love of Jesus. People did yard work, painted houses, and washed windows. Some, like us, visited nursing homes. Eli and I enjoyed spending time with the 95 year old mother of the church's worship minister. It was so sweet to hear her talk about her children and her love for her late husband ("I saw him and he saw me and that was it....We were together forever ♥"). The experience really stirred a desire in my heart to be more active in my church and my community. During the worship service we sang the song "God of This City" and the lyrics affected me like never before. "Greater things have yet to come...Greater things are still to be done in this city..." That's true no matter where you live. I've been inspired to see what God is doing around me and open myself up to be used in those things.

The church really encouraged family participation in GDOS. They even made baby sized shirts! How cute is that?!

Earlier this week, I found a recipe for Spiced Vegetable-Stuffed Squash in the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. I can't seem to find it on their website, so I decided to share it with you here! It was REALLY good. Even Eli enjoyed it! I'm posting the full version of the recipe, but I cut it in half for our family.

2 medium acorn squash
1 1/2 cups chopped turnips
1 cup chopped carrots
1 Tablespoon butter
1 Tablespoon brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 cup coarsely shredded, peeled apple

1. Cut squash in half lengthwise; remove and discard seeds. Arrange squash halves, cut side down, in a 3-quart rectangular baking dish. Bake in a 350* oven for 45 min. Turn squash halves cut side up. Bake for 20-25 min more or until squash is tender. Cut each squash half in half so you have 8 quarters (or you can do what I did and just leave them as they are so you have "bowls"). Carefully scoop the pulp out of each squash quarter/half, keeping shells intact and leaving a thin layer of squash in each shell. Set shells aside. Place cooked pulp in a large bowl.

2. Meanwhile, in a covered saucepan cook turnips and carrots in boiling lightly salted water about 15 min or until very tender. Drain well. Add turnips and carrots to squash pulp in bowl. Coarsely mash vegetables with a potato masher.

3. Stir butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, salt and nutmeg into mashed vegetables; fold in apple. Divide vegetable mixture evenly among squash shells. Return to baking dish. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until thoroughly heated through.

When you make the full recipe and cut the shell into quarters in makes 8 servings. Since there are a lot of veggies in this dish and the butter and sugar is relatively minimal, we each had a half shell (with the recipe split in half). I will definitely be making this again!

So there you have it :)

Once again, I have lots of ideas for posts (and blog redesign!) in my head. I just need to keep on top of it!

A Political and Religious Rant: Stop Making God Small!

2009-09-18T11:26:00.000-05:00

Christians,

Please stop making God small by acting like He is not in control of the situation in our country. I don't care how you feel about Obama or Congress or any of the policies that are being put in place. God knows what is going on in this country, and when you point fingers and lay blame on the way people voted in November you are denying His omnipitentence. You are denying the commands of His infallible Word:

"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. " Romans 13:1-2

"Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right." 1 Peter 2:13

Rejoice, Christian, because God is in control! We may or may not like the things that are happening in this country today, but God knew the outcome long before we went to the polls last fall. He knows what will happen in 2012 and 2016 and so on. If you are angry, PRAY. If you are scared, PRAY. If nothing else, now is the time for the church to rise up and start doing its job. Whether you like what is happening or not, this country is hurting and something needs to be done. The government is not our savior. Obama cannot save us. McCain would not have been able to save us, nor could Ron Paul or Mike Huckabee or whoever else you would prefer to see in office.

Do not forget that we are not of this world. We are resident aliens in a foreign land. Do not forget whose you are and who is in control. Hope was promised to us long before our current President made it a mark of his campaign.

Sincerely,

Your sister in Christ

Local Feast

2009-08-17T21:17:00.000-05:00

I love food bloggers because they always take beautiful pictures of the fabulous dishes they create. I'm always too eager to eat to remember to take a picture, so use your imagination as I tell you about the meal we had tonight.

As I was preparing dinner tonight, I felt very excited about how much of it was locally produced. We had spaghetti and meatballs and zucchini bread. The sauce was made from locally grown tomatoes and herbs grown in a pot on my deck. The meatballs were made from grass fed beef from another local farmer. Finally, the zucchini and honey in the bread were also grown and produced locally. It makes me feel good to know that I am feeding my family healthy, nourishing food while also supporting growers from my area. I love knowing that I can potentially visit any of those farms and see exactly where my food comes from and how it is grown. You just don't get that from food in the grocery store (especially when you're buying tomatoes and strawberries in the dead of winter. Hm.).

To find your local farmer's market and growers near you, check out Eat Wild and Local Harvest.

Four Wonderful Years

2009-08-05T10:27:00.000-05:00

Four years ago today I married my best friend. I feel so blessed to have a husband who loves me just as I am, is an amazing father, and works incredibly hard to take care of this little family. He is my partner in life, my confidante, and my greatest support. I am thankful for every moment we have together. I know there will be countless happy moments and probably hard times ahead, but we will go through them together, hand in hand, side by side.

I love you, Robert, and I am so proud to be your wife.

Redux

2009-08-03T20:57:00.000-05:00

First of all, let me apologize for being a terribly fickle blogger. The past couple of months with this blog have been a roller coaster ride. I had planned to go completely private, but after a few weeks I realized how much I love having a dialogue with other Christian women (moms or otherwise). So, here I am. I could have just figured this out several weeks ago, but I needed some time to come to terms with a few things about myself.

I began to realize that I was letting all of the wrong things define me. My identity was wrapped up in cloth diapering, natural parenting, organic eating and all around tree-hugging. Those are all wonderful and important things, but they were consuming me so much that I forgot about grace. I was very selective about what I wrote because I didn't want anyone to think that I wasn't this perfect attachment parenting crunchy mama who shunned all things mainstream and conventional. I knew something had to change the day I found myself nearly in tears over not driving across town to buy organic apples. I realized that I needed to back off. I needed to focus on feeding my family whole foods and be okay with not always being able to afford the high dollar organic versions. I needed to not be ashamed that sometimes my son fusses -even cries occasionally - for a couple of minutes before he falls asleep at nap time. I needed to stop freaking out about putting my baby in disposable diapers for part of our vacation. Above all, I needed to remember that God knows my heart, and He knows that I am doing the best I can with what I have. When I get to Heaven, the Almighty is not going to be concerned with whether or not everything I ate was organic or how I diapered my babies or if I used very non-Earth friendly hair dye. All that will matter is that I lived for Him and shared His love with others. That is what I want my life to be about. That is what I want to define me.

It is so easy to be sucked in to the patterns of the world (yes, even all that great AP and natural living stuff can be very worldly if we lose sight of the things that truly matter). My hope is that I can be a light for Christ in this place, and I don't want anything to block that out. So that is where I am now. Obviously I will still blog about diapers and food and all those things I enjoy, but they will not define me. And you'd better believe that I will have a lot to say about the One who does.

Adventures in Solid Food

2009-07-08T15:21:00.004-05:00

About a month ago we decided to give solid foods a try. We started with bananas, which did not go over well. Sweet potatoes were much preferred. The whole experience has been a learning process. Sweet potatoes are the only food that Eli will finish if he is being spoon fed. He likes frozen applesauce in the mesh feeder, but he does not like applesauce warmed up. Avocados are the newest acceptable food. I also learned today that he likes to feed himself with the spoon, but don't try to take it away to put more food on it! All in all, solids have been pretty hit and miss so far. He doesn't hate them, but he doesn't love them like some babies do. I'm not really concerned, since breastmilk/formula should be babies' primary source of nutrition for the first year. Because I breastfeed, I can be confident that he is getting all the nutrients he needs. If you've seen him in person, you know that he is definitely not starving :)

Ew.

2009-07-01T20:28:00.003-05:00

If this doesn't convince you to stop eating fast food, nothing will...

I Miss...

2009-06-01T22:07:00.004-05:00

...typing blog posts that are more than a few sentences! Eight more days til the cast comes off!

(I realize that my cloth diaper wish list is more than a few sentences. You don't want to know how long it took me to write that!)

Pretty and Frugal Home Decor

2009-04-25T16:47:00.009-05:00

My living room is in dire need of a makeover. There is a large wall on the far end of the room that has been needing decorations ever since we moved in almost two years ago. Well, I finally found something to do with it! I took cues from my friends Kelly (yeah, she did a guest post at Nesting Place, one of the many reasons why she is awesome) and Sheyenne (who is also very skilled in the area of home decor) and created my own little frugal art gallery with card stock and things I printed from my home computer.

I must apologize for the poor quality of these pictures. Not only am I a terrible photographer, but I have kind of a crummy camera.

Sheet music for "It is Well with My Soul"

Lyrics to "Everything" by Lifehouse - our wedding song

Colossians 3:12-17

One of the best parts of this project is that it cost less than $20! Next up for this room: a little window mistreatment :)

Randomness

2009-04-18T07:01:00.005-05:00

I discovered an awesome blog this week! I bought some diapers from Kelly's Closet and happened upon the site's blog, The Cloth Diaper Whisperer. They have tons of great info on cloth diapers, baby wearing, and other crunchy goodness. They also do amazing giveaways! They give away "fluff" every Friday and offer lots of ways to enter the drawing (check out the button on my side bar). I'm entered in a giveaway to win a Wii and WiiFit just because I made a purchase. That's pretty fantastic if you ask me!
We got a new dog! Last weekend we adopted a Pembroke Welsh Corgi from the Humane Society. Her name is Piper. Once we get her nice and cleaned up (she can't have a bath until her stitches from being spayed are out) I will post a picture.
Eli's hair is growing back! Yay!
I'm committing myself to getting some spring cleaning done this week. I did my kitchen yesterday and it made me feel a lot better, so imagine how great it will be when my whole house is shiny and clean!
My baby is really cute. That's all :)

3 Months

2009-03-23T09:19:00.003-05:00

Only about 11 weeks old here, but it's one of my favorite pictures :)

Sweet boy, today you are three months old! It seems like that time has flown by, but at the same time it is hard to remember life without you. I love spending every day with you, watching you grow and discover the world around you. My favorite thing is watching you interact with your daddy. It brings me so much joy to see you smile and laugh together.

Happy 3 month birthday, Peanut! Mommy loves you so much!

Waiting Game

2009-03-19T14:19:00.004-05:00

Do you ever get the feeling that something big is just over the horizon? It's the feeling that something in your life is about to change dramatically, leaving you anxious, nervous and excited at the time. The last time I felt like that was shortly before I found out I was pregnant. I have felt that way again recently. I thought it would go away with Rob's promotion, and while it is not as intense the feeling is still there.

I became excited recently about the idea of pursuing missionary work. Looking back now, I would say that I was too excited. I have a bad habit of latching on to an idea and making plans before waiting to find out if it is from God. Even good ideas are not always God's ideas. It became apparent to me that such a door has not been opened, and we are to continue to support those who have gone already. We get a lot of joy from doing that, and will continue to do so. While that door may not be open, I still can't shake the feeling that something in our lives is going to change soon. All I can do now is wait and pray. I can pray that God will prepare us for whatever it is that He has planned, whether it be big or small. I can pray that our eyes will be open and we will be aware and sensitive to God's leading.

Herein lies the problem with waiting - I am an extremely impatient person. I like making plans. I NEED to make plans. I know...if you want to hear God laugh...I'm quite familiar with that! That is why I am so thankful for scripture that reminds me to wait on God and the perfect timing of His plans.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:14

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" - Proverbs 16:9

"This is what the LORD says - your Redeemer, the Holy one of Israel, 'I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.'" - Isaiah 48:17

We will not be misguided if we trust in the Lord's plan for our lives. I have seen this in my own life and have been immensely blessed by it (by the time Rob and I decided that we would allow the Lord to determine the timing of when we would have children, I was already pregnant). Waiting can be frustrating and uncomfortable. I am too often tempted to try to make and execute my own plans. However, waiting on the Lord will bring far greater blessing and joy than anything I could plan on my own. That "something is going to happen" feeling may not go away, but I am learning to be content with patiently waiting for God to reveal that something in His time.

Ugh...

2009-03-06T21:35:00.003-06:00

It's been a long week. As I said on Monday, I have lots of things to write, but finding time to sit down to actually do that has been impossible. On top of just not being organized with my time, there's definitely been some emotional strain in our life. I won't go in to details on that, but I just ask for prayer for healing, understanding, and grace between friends.

But there is good news! Rob is now the store manager at OfficeMax! This is a huge blessing for us. He has been working so hard for this, and I am really proud of him :)

Elijah is growing and changing constantly. He's getting so big. I had to take all of his 3 month sleepers out of his dresser today because they are all too short (he's only 10 weeks old!). We recently bought him a Bumbo chair to help him learn how to sit up by himself. He's not quite ready for it yet, but he really seems to enjoy it. I think it will turn out to be a very good investment.

Anyway...I have a few things in mind that I want to write about. Look for posts on why I consider myself a bit of a "crunchy granola tree hugger," modesty, and a few things I am learning about waiting on God.

Elijah Robert

2009-02-18T11:22:00.005-06:00

Elijah: The Lord is My God
Robert: Bright Fame

It is my prayer that my son's life will be devoted to being a bright light for Christ and bringing fame to the Lord.

One Month

2009-01-23T08:27:00.003-06:00

My little man is one month old today! It doesn't seem like it has been that long, but at the same time I can barely remember what life was like without him. He brings so much joy to my life every single day. I think all mothers hate to see their babies grow up, but I so enjoy watching him develop and change.

Before Elijah came into my life, I was without direction. I struggled for several years with understanding my purpose in life. I tried to find it by changing majors and schools (four times) and switching jobs. Each change left me disappointed as nothing ever fit. I began to believe that I didn't really have a purpose, that God had no path laid out before me. This caused a cloud of depression that hung over my head constantly, reminding me of the school debt with no degree attached to it and that I was in a job that anyone off the street could be trained to perform. I'm not sure how many times I cried in desperation over the lack of worth I felt.

Everything changed on December 23rd, 2oo8. From the very first moment I held that sweet boy and looked into his eyes, I understood. Years of confusion and frustration were washed away within a matter of seconds. He is my purpose. He is my life. He has filled a void in my life that no degree or job ever could. I am his mother and I am his father's wife, and that is what God had planned all along. I know my life will have many seasons and God will use me in different ways, but if all He ever needed me to do was bring my precious child into the world that would certainly be enough.

2008-12-25T17:15:00.003-06:00

The best gifts come in tiny packages.

Merry Christmas from the Tomko Family!

Love: Robert, Melissa and baby Elijah

Baby Pics

2008-12-23T16:16:00.004-06:00

Mommy and Elijah.

Daddy and Elijah. More to follow.

This has been an amazing day. (Robert posting for Melissa) I got to meet my son today. It was absolutely amazing. We were blessed with a short and painless delivery. Our son's full name is Elijah Robert Tomko. He is 8 pounds 8 ounces at 20.5 inches long. He was born at 10:47 this morning. We thank our friends for the prayers and the support and for everyone who has offered any support over the next few weeks. We really appreciate all of it, even my WOW friends. We will post more pictures soon, when we get a chance to take some better ones. Until then, God Bless and Merry Birth Day of our Lord and Savior.

2008-12-23T03:42:00.003-06:00

Has it really been nine months?

I wish I had poetic words to describe how I am feeling right now. Instead I just stand in awe at the fact God is trusting me to bring a life into the world today. I imagine that I will never feel greater purpose than when I finally hold that precious boy in my arms.

2008-12-18T20:10:00.003-06:00

Last night I began having strong contractions that were five minutes apart. We went to the hospital around 10:00pm. They started monitoring me, and the contractions just kept getting stronger. I was sure that I had to be dilating like crazy. I just knew that I was going to have my little boy by now. Well, by 1:30am I had only dilated another centimeter so we came home. So right now I am at 3cm and 90% effaced. I really hope that I'm not one of those women who walks around forever like that with nothing else ever happening. I'm hoping that the contractions just start coming like crazy or my water breaks soon.

I decided to clean my whole house tonight. Gotta love that nesting instinct :) Maybe if I just keep cleaning and doing things my body will react the way I want it to. I can only sit around so much. Patience is a virtue I was not born with, so this waiting is making me crazy!

Update

2008-12-17T10:25:00.001-06:00

Well, I'm still pregnant. I went to the dr. today, and he checked my cervix. I'm dilated 2cm and 80% effaced. He said there is still a very good chance that I could have Elijah before my scheduled induction on Tuesday. I really hope it ends up that way. Please pray that baby will come on his own and soon!

Still Waiting

2008-12-16T10:09:00.004-06:00

There hasn't been much change in my progress, although the contractions are slightly closer together than they were yesterday (about 6-7 min apart now). I'm still just trying to take it easy. I've really enjoyed lounging around in jammies for the past two days :)

I'm hoping and praying that it won't be much longer before Elijah makes his debut. My due date is December 29th, but we scheduled an induction for the 23rd. I have mixed feelings about the induction. I want it because the timing will allow Rob to take more time off, and it's very important to me that he be home with us as much as possible. However, I really wanted a natural birth. If I am induced I will have no choice but to get an epidural. I'm not one of those women who is so crazy about being natural that I would refuse pain medication at all costs, but I did want to try to wait as long as possible before taking it. If Eli decides to come on his own before next Tuesday, then I will be able to try to do the things the way I had originally planned.

That's all for now. Keep checking back for updates here and on facebook.

Just a Matter of Time

2008-12-15T11:50:00.005-06:00

The waiting game has officially begun! I started having strong, regular contractions around 6:00 this morning, and they have been consistent ever since. Sometimes they are painful, sometimes they're not. They are still 7-9 minutes apart, but they are lasting about a minute each. I hope they start getting closer together soon. My doctor wants me to wait to go to the hospital until they are 3-5 minutes apart for an hour.

I haven't spent much time relaxing since I have been off work, so that is what I am planning to do today. I would like to bake some granola bars and muffins so we (well, Rob really, since I won't be able to eat once we get there) have some healthy snacks at the hospital and don't have to rely on the vending machines. I'll probably try to do that today too. Cooking and baking are relaxing for me, so it's not like doing real work.

I'll keep posting updates here and on facebook. Hopefully Elijah will be here soon!

Only One Thing Missing...

2008-12-14T18:12:00.005-06:00

These letters were my project today. I think they turned out pretty well!

I love this glider. I've been using it as a reading chair already. By the way, Grandma Laura and Grandpa Steve (my parents) are big NASCAR fans, hence the Dale Earnhardt Jr. fleece :)

This train belonged to my great grandpa. I remember going into his "train room" and watching the trains travel around the little village he built. I'm glad my son gets to have this little piece of our family history.

The room is done. All that is missing is the little man himself!

2008-12-09T20:22:00.002-06:00

Today was my last day at work! I'm so glad I saved enough vacation and sick time to leave early. It's such a relief to know that I can relax and get some more baby things done over the next couple of weeks, but I am already anxious about going back. I don't want to leave my baby, and I am not looking forward to returning to the negative environment I've been working in for the past several months. We've been waiting for the past few weeks to find out if Rob will be promoted to manager in his store, but we haven't heard anything yet. I'm ready to know because if he gets the job it could be enough for me to be a stay at home mom. That is something that is so important to me, so the waiting is killing me. I'm trying not to let my impatience give way to negativity though. I have to keep reminding myself about God's timing. He'll reveal the answer when the time is right.

Pregnancy-wise, I've been feeling okay. I'm having more contractions lately, and they are closer together, stronger, and more uncomfortable than they have been in the past. My stomach is starting to drop. The combination of those things have me wondering if my little boy will be here before his due date on the 29th. Wouldn't that be an amazing Christmas present?

2008-11-08T13:44:00.003-06:00

Quick update...

There has been a lot going on since I last posted (in SEPTEMBER). We've been very busy getting ready for little Elijah to make his debut. His room is coming along nicely. We went to Wisconsin last month for a family baby shower, and I have another one today here in Joplin. Work is winding down. I only have four weeks left! I'm glad that I have extra vacation and sick time so I can take leave a little early. Hopefully I can relax during those last few weeks.

I began reading Twilight this morning. I understand what all the fuss is about, as I am half way through and only stopped reading because I had to do some cleaning and get ready for the shower. I anticipate finishing it tonight or tomorrow.

One of these days I am going to develop some graphic design skills and make this page more interesting. That is simply not something that comes naturally to me.

I promise more frequent posts :)

Yum!

2008-09-10T21:03:00.005-05:00

There are few smells better than the scent of fresh bread baking in the oven.

Earlier this year I became very interested in eating more naturally and nutritionally. I'll admit that in recent months I have slacked in this area both because of laziness and because of rising food costs (the healthier the food the more it costs - no wonder there is a weight issue in this country!). However, one thing that I have done consistently - save for the early months of pregnancy when the scent of yeast made me ill - is make homemade bread. It's delicious fresh out of the oven and great for toast and sandwiches. It's important to me to keep doing this because I know exactly what is going in to the bread we eat. Oh, and it tastes better too!

Jesus for President

2008-08-31T18:27:00.005-05:00

*edited for a disclaimer - I do not believe that being a Christian automatically means voting Republican. I tend to have more liberal views when it comes to social, environmental and economic issues but remain morally conservative.*

It's hard for me admit that I blindly jumped on the bandwagon of anything, but I confess that I have chanted "Yes We Can" with scores of Barack Obama supporters in the past several months. I'm not necessarily trying to take back any support I threw behind the senator from Illinois (maybe it was love for my home state?), but I see now that I cannot accept a candidate simply because he is a brilliant orator. That being said, as the wife of a soldier expecting a son who may someday follow in his father's footsteps, I cannot wholeheartedly endorse John McCain either. What's a girl to do? On one hand, I love Obama's vision for change and I agree with many of his social and economic policies. On the other hand, how can I as a Christian (and a mother to be) vote for a man who is so flippant about the life of an innocent baby? At the same time, how could I vote for McCain, who would keep us in Iraq and let more and more of our soldiers die in a battle that is no longer ours? I have been trying to keep the moral issues on the back burner when it comes to who I will vote for in November, but that is becoming increasingly difficult. I voted on moral ground in 2004 and my husband went to Iraq a year later. I certainly don't believe that a Republican president can convince an Democratic congress to overturn Roe v. Wade (nor do I think that is necessarily a good idea, but that is another post for another day). But the knowledge of Obama's voting record on this issue just does not sit well with me. I suppose I have two months to really pray about this issue and decide who I want to run this country, but I really wish that I could just write in Jesus.